


Turn of the Screw

by dxdoc



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-21
Updated: 2019-04-21
Packaged: 2020-01-23 06:47:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18544453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dxdoc/pseuds/dxdoc
Summary: Jack is alone with his thoughts and his whiskey after the events of Divide and Conquer and The Other Side."He’s never given anyone a look that so plainly expressed all of the horror and forgiveness he saw in her eyes. He should know."





	Turn of the Screw

God, the way she’d looked at him.

Half a tumbler of whiskey past when he should have thrown in the towel and headed to bed and Jack still couldn’t numb his brain enough to shut it up. _Well, isn’t that a kick._ Sigh. _Turn-about._ Yawn. _Ironic._ Eye roll. _Cliché. See, still with the not shutting up._

And he wasn’t even fixated on the good look she’d given him. _The one that said she knew what he felt, she felt it too, and, yes, it wasn’t supposed happen but, damn, were they -_

“Screwed.” He breathed out the word like he was emptying his soul.

Downing the last of the whiskey he stood, slowly at first to get his feet under him, and made his way to the kitchen sink.

No one should be able to express as much with a look as Samantha Carter could. It made him feel – what? _Scared? Wrong? Excited?_ Loved. _Damn._

He set the glass in the sink, reached in the cupboard beside it for another, and turned on the tap. He caught something like his reflection in the window and shook his head as if scolding himself. So he looked at the glass instead and swallowed all of it before filling it again. He hit the tap one more time and the water shut off.

_Water. Gate, puddle, blue, eyes._ And there it was. Those big, blue eyes staring back at him as the iris shut and the wormhole disengaged. Neither of them had been in the control room when the computer displayed the small blip that indicated an impact event, but they knew. He would have sworn she even flinched, though she never let her eyes leave his. The surprise there had quickly turned to shock. Almost as quickly, he’d seen her assess every moment of the past couple of days that had led to this, and watched it morph into something resembling both uncertainty and yet absolute faith. He wished it had been the blind faith of hero worship or even the façade of faith that came with acceptance and the need to move past it.

_No, you don’t._

Jack pushed himself off the counter and down the hall, glass in hand. He tried to hate himself for it. Truth was he admired the hell out of her for it because he’s sure that he’s never given anyone a look that so plainly expressed all of the horror and forgiveness he saw in her eyes. He should know.

He grumbled fitfully and put the glass down harder than was necessary on the nightstand. It splashed a bit, and Jack thinks about caring for a moment before sitting down heavily on the bed and scrubbing his face with his hands.

_She knows._

And there it was. The messy parts he tried not to dwell on, decisions he didn’t like regretting, the responsibility he couldn’t forgive himself for carrying and she could see it all. Never a word, just _that look._

_You are damaged and wrong and a smart ass who is in way over his head._

He fell back onto the bed, shut his eyes, and tried not to see her.

_She saw._ And so did he. It wasn’t pity. _I know._ Not forgiveness. _I care._ Not acceptance. _I still want you._

Jack raised his head and regretted it. He’d left a light on somewhere.

“Yep. Screwed.”

 


End file.
